Restoring Trust In A Relationship–Understanding The Hurt
Last time I wrote about what an offending spouse has to expect if they want to t restore trust in a relationship, today I want to write about the offended spouse. This post is really for the offending spouse. I decided to write in a different tone after getting some feedback.
In whatever way your spouse has found out about your cheating, you will have to appreciate what they are going through. Here are some of them;
Shock and Disbelief
Understandably. I mean, here you are, been together in you marriage for however long and they have been trusting you and letting you into their heart much more than anyone else alive. When they hear of it, they will be shocked and simply not believe that all this has been happening without them noticing it. This is simply the beginning of the roller coaster of emotions they are going through.
Anger and Feelings of Betrayal
There will be anger and feelings of betrayal. Trust is such a rare commodity, when it is broken, you can and should expect anger to show up somewhere. The offended party feel very betrayed for the reason previously outlined. There may be more.
Withdrawal and Continued Suspicion
After all, why trust you any more. And you haven’t got a thing to prove that you have changed. The offending partner would rather keep the few cards they have close to their chest and not let you in. It is bad enough as it is without getting hurt some more. So they close access to their heart…which is hurting in spite of what you may see on the surface.
Related to this is suspicion. Whatever issue that has come up, whether it be fornication, pornography, gambling and so on, you will remain under their microscope of suspicion. Questions like, “has she really changed?””why is he telling me this?” and on and on.
Getting Even on Getting Ahead
Depending on your motives for telling your spouse about your escapades, they could either get even or decided to work with you to restore the relationship. That is a decision they have to make. You cannot force it on them. You can plead for a second chance but really, they have to make that call.
These are just some of the things happening in the heart of the offended spouse. Respect them. They are very legitimate. Let me put it this way: get out of the way of that freight train! There will be time to talk, time to work on things. Just understand what they are going through.