It has been over two weeks since my wife and I made a commitment to pray together every morning. So far it is already paying off. I didn’t say it is easy, it has been hard but rewarding. Here some of the barriers we have met and what we have done about them.

Modes of Praying

I like to pray in short, concise and packed sentences. Aumi, on the other hand, unpacks the whole thing. I get lost in my thoughts when she does that while she wants me to be more detailed as I pray. So how did we get through this one? Compromise. She is working on making her sentences shorter and I am working on being more detailed as we pray. It also helps to take turns and pray for the same topic. That way, we are praying for the same topic, from different perspectives. It has been interesting for me to learn from my wife’s perspective. It will be helpful to use some kind of a guide. We are currently using Denis and Barbara Rainey’s “Two Hearts Praying as One” available at www.familylife.com or you can do a search at www.amazon.com. If you do not have a credit/debit card, you can email me at smanjolo@gmail.com and we can work something out.

Consistency

Not withstanding travel and other issues, consistency is the next biggest challenge we have faced. It was easy to start but somewhere down the road it became more and more difficult because of many reasons: we’ve got to get the kids ready for school, I have to be at the office by… and on and on it went. We resolved this by setting a time to pray and stick to it. Behaviour psychologists tell us that if you repeat an action every day for 21 days, it becomes a habit. Keep praying until it becomes a habit.

“Issues”

It is really hard to pray honestly with your spouse if you have “issues” with him/her. This is one of those times I have found it really difficult to say, “sweetheart, let’s pray”. I would rather say “I’m going to get a shower” …if I get to say anything at all! This is how we deal with it;

1. Bring up the issue before praying. You have to be specific about what was wrong and how it hurt you etc. You do this not to win the argument but to reconcile with each other and restore your fellowship with each other. Be as clear as possible so that your spouse see where they went wrong.
2. Solicit feedback if so that you are clear on what is being said. For instance you can say “So what I hear you saying is…” and have your spouse confirm or clarify or deny or correct. If your goal is reconciliation, this should be easier . You have to believe that this is not war. Assume that spouse has goodwill towards you.
3. If you are in the wrong you have to admit that you are in the wrong and be specific. Something in the lines of “I am sorry that I did xyz and hurt you”
4. Ask for forgiveness. Do not demand it.
5. The “offended” or hurt party has to decided to forgive. We have agreed that after the forgiveness done. The forgiving spouse should show a gesture to “welcome back” the other spouse into the fellowship. This could be hug, or hold hands….
6. Then you can pray and thank the Lord for that whole experience.

I must admit that this is not easy but the times we have done this, there has been a restoration of fellowship. Some hurts take some time to heal but there is restored fellowship. What have been your barriers and how have you dealt with them?