Sunganani

Next Series: How To Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Sunga — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 06:30:55 +0000

This week we will take a break from talking about extra-marital affairs. There is an assignment at the end of this article. Before that one, I want you to look forward to next week’s post. I will be running a series on “How To Affair-Proof Your Marriage.”

This weekend, do just one thing: Look at your spouse’s face for 5 minutes and go back to your beginnings. See what comes to your mind. You will be amazed how far you have come! Trust me.

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Have a great weekend.

Why The “Extra” in Marital Affairs Isn’t Needed

Sunga — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 15:07:56 +0000

Okay, still on the extra marital affairs issue, I was wondering why “extra” has to be in it at all. By design, a marital affair should not have extra, I mean, it’s not like pizza should have toppings or my cell phone should have a handsfree kit. You get the picture. So why should we not have extra marital affairs? I have been thinking about this and here is what I have come up with so far;

By design, it is supposed to be him and her. Period. No toppings, no accessories. Jesus said that in the beginning, God made them male and female and for that reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife so that the two become one (paraphrase, Matthew 19:3-6). It is one man and one woman…no extras, no toppings not accessories. Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Eve and Evelyn. Or Adam, Denis and Eve. Or Adam and Steve or Eve and Sally. No extras by design. You mess with the design, then you mess with everything else about it. And let me expand on that.
When he said “It is not good for man to be alone” (Gen 2:18), he did not take two ribs, just one. The woman who was made out of that was brought to the man by God (Gen 2:22). Question, “Who brought you your spouse?”
Man’s acceptance speech of the woman is even more revealing. God does not object to it. Gen. 2:23 Read it.
Here is the clincher, where the rubber meets the road. “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” (Gen. 2:25). Listen, a marital affair involves vulnerability without shame. And vulnerability at all levels; spiritual, emotional, intellectual, physical, financial….Now, for a marital affair that is okay before God, there should be no shame. If there is, we need to ruthlessly deal with it with the precision of a brain surgeon. It is hard enough with just husband and wife. Once the Designer’s principle of exclusivity is broken by introducing that extra, that topping, you basically will have to deal with shame, however it is coated.

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Till next week.

You Are Having An Extra Marital Affair with Your Job

Sunga — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 04:30:11 +0000

You are in the office and that assignment just has to be done before you knock off at 5 because your boss is breathing fire and brimstone on you neck…and it’s 4:50. Twenty minutes later you are still a long way off from completion. You feel like you are running on empty, get the picture? (Pun intended) And this happens every other day. Something is wrong, very wrong.

Whatever it is, it is clear that you are having an extra marital affair with your job because you rob your spouse and children the time they expect you to be with them. You are running on empty. And what do we do with cars that run on empty? Refill them or park them. Watch that affair with your job. In fact, like with any other extra marital affair: terminate it or you get parked. You know, you get home and your wife is very cold and your kids don’t even notice you are home because they think Fred Flintsone and gang are cool. Worst case scenario: they are asleep. Do something about it.

I think it is time dare to believe the Lord and go for pro-family jobs or enterprises. If you are running on empty four days of the week, you will soon park. So it is better to park the “extra” in the marital affair before your spouse parks you! Drastic? Yes. But I have a hunch the Lord will bless your audacity to believe him and make that change for the sake of the family he gave you. For the record: I am all for professional development and recognition but not if they come at the expense of the people the Lord gave you to love and to cherish

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Having An Extra-Marital Affair?

Sunga — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 08:01:07 +0000

Of late I have been thinking a lot about this area. Usually we think of someone having an extra marital affair (hereinafter called affair) with someone other than your husband/wife. An affair basically includes someone or something in a relationship that is exclusive. Read that again. I said read that again.

The result is that the spouse who is supposed to enjoy exclusivity become isolated. And isolation, as one girl described it, is when “someone excludes you” (Staying Close by Denis Rainey).

So, have you ever thought of your hours on end in your hobby as being an affair? Your job perhaps? More time with children or friends.. Even, get ready ministers of the Word, ministry can be an extra marital affair. Add infiniturm. Enough said.

Action point: evaluate yourself if you are having an extra marital affair.

Big Brother Africa and Malawi’s Parliament

Sunga — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 13:35:43 +0000

It seems like our censorship laws are being stretched again. A few months ago we had pictures I would’t show my 6 year old son and 4 year old daughter circulating in Malawi’s cyberspace (whatever happened to the perpetrators?), and now our Parliament has banned the popular Big Brother Africa show this time around. Reason? It is deemed “immoral”. It seems Namibia’s president is also frowning on this show.

More at http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/3128193.stm

Here is the question: should Big Brother Africa have been banned? Why?

How To Choose When It’s Grey

Sunga — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 11:29:53 +0000

I get a lot of questions regarding what is okay or not for Christians to do. You know, can I go to a party? What’s wrong with wearing minis or tight trousers or low necklines? Is it okay for me to watch the Big Brother Africa or other reality episodes and other movies? Is sex before marriage okay? What’s wrong with just kissing and on and on the questions come.

Recently I found the following guidelines helpful for me. Hopefully, they should put these questions in perspective. Although they are primarily designed for the husband and wife relationship, they can be applied to just about anything else that seems to be in the “grey zone”.

1. Is it prohibited in Scripture? If not, we may assume it is permitted. “Everything is permissible for me.” (1 Corinthians 6: 12, NIV)

2. Is it beneficial? Does the practice in any way harm the husband or hinder the sexual relationship? If so, it should be rejected. “Everything is permissible for me-but not everything is beneficial.” (1 Corinthians 6:12, NIV)

3. Does it involve anyone else? Sexual activity is sanctioned by God for husband and wife only. If a sexual practice involves someone else or becomes public, it is wrong based on Hebrews 13:14, which warns us to keep the marriage bed undefiled.

(Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow &Lorraine Pintus)

Let’s put that in practice. Based on what you know from the Holy Bible; ask yourself

Is Watching Big Brother prohibited?

Is it beneficial?

Does it involve someone else other than people married to each other?

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Tuned In To Abundance?

Sunga — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 03:00:34 +0000

“Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.” Dr Wayne Dyer

I once read a book that stated a very obvious fact of life: abundance is built into nature. If you look at a mango tree for instance, abundance is built in there. You do not think of that entire tree producing just one mango but lots. A single maize seed will multiply itself into three of four cobs. In the animal kingdom, the trend is similar.

The problem, according to the author, is that man tries to regulate everything. So in that mango tree scenario, he would come up with rules on how to get to the mango tree, how and when to get up there. How many mangoes you should bring down and which ones you should bring down!

Application: is abundance in your life? Are you tuned in to it? Or you have the blah’s at the moment? Take your time and read John 15:1-15. Jesus talks about how we should be abundantly bearing fruit. And the mindset required is not hard; Think of him as the tree trunk and you are the branch. Draw the resources you need from him…in other words, get tuned in.

Two Way Street

Sunga — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:41:25 +0000

I have been blogging since February this year and I find it an interesting experience. One of the major challenges in setting this up is how to create “a two way traffic street” for the blog to keep going. Besides understanding coding language and all the other stuff computer people language, I have managed to put a few things that will help in building the two way street. So I am highlighting them for optimum benefit for all who enjoy reading my blog. Here we go;

One of the first things you will notice when you come to my blog is that orange guy below reading a newspaper . That is an RSS feed. If you click there, you will be asked to bookmark that link. When you do, every time I post something, you will be told automatically. Should you want to unsubscribe, simply delete it from your bookmark.
Alternatively you can sign up for email updates for the same function. You simply subscribe by entering you email address through which you would like to receive the updates in. Feedburner.com (owned by Google) will handle your subscription and they have a good reputation for not sending you spam. It is just as easy to unsubscribe if you wish to discontinue.
When reading a post I (or someone else has made) and you would like to share it with someone, you simply click on the green “Share This” icon at the end of the posting and pick your option(s) on how you are going to do that. You can even import your email address from your address book.
If you want to comment on the article, you simply fill in your details at the end of the article and write your comments. In that way others know what you think about it.
If there is a category you would like to contribute to, then go to the contact page and submit your article there. I will review and edit it then publish it.

There! Our two way street will help us make www.sunganani.com a lively blog to share about marriage, parenting and all the in between.

Now sign up and share this!

Bloody Maryz and Jumping Josephs

Sunga — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 07:30:41 +0000

This is a post by my friend Wisdom Chitedze…a challenge for the men. Read on

Thursday, July 24, 2008 at 9:37am

Many of us have heard a lot about Mary the mother of Jesus. We have heard a lot about how humble she was and how great her faith was, so much so that in the Catholic and Anglican dogma she is highly venerated as the Mother of God.

The other references we hear about her are related to an alcoholic concoction called a Bloody Mary. I dont know what it comprises of, only that it probably must pack a flippin hangover in the end. I do digress

I have only heard a message/discussion on Joseph once. I believe he is one of the most underrated (to Borrow Brian Nkata’s phrase) men alive.

Imagine this

1. You are a good man, a carpenter who never begs but works with your own hands and are a devout follower of the Torah or Jewish law

2. You are bethrothed to a beautiful young woman (historians estimate that she could have been anything between 15 and 21, according to the traditions of the times)

3. Before you are finally formally married she is found with child and you know for real that you didnt get some, what do you do?

4. According to the Law he could have had her dragged to the public courtyard and lay an accusation against her and she could have been stoned and he d have been backed by the Law. Then people are amazed that Jesus had mercy on that woman caught in adultery who was about to be stoned. He may have leearnt such a merciful heart from Joseph.

5. Instead he chose to quietly put her away. If that is not mercy I dont know what mercy looks like

6. An angel tells him what is going on and he also humbly accepts the child and does all he can to guard the mother and child

7. He loved Jesus as his own fleshly son and gave him his heritage as someone born from the line of David.

8. He loved Mary all his life and had more children with her.

9. He was content to be in the background as we dont hear much about him later on, we only hear Mary saying things like “We were worried about you” when he stayed behind in the temple

For me Joseph is a man to laud and emulate. A man of great humility, faith. mercy and love. I believe just as Jesus would say “I do as I have seen my Father do” he meant not only the Heavenly Father but Joseph as well.

There are many unlauded heroes in our lives. Parents, siblings, friends, primary and secondary school teachers, neighbours, lovers (including exes), enemies too, pastors, community leaders, artists (who inspire with their music and artistry), authors, spouses, workmates, doctors and nurses, nannies, servants etc who seemingly do the ordinary which upon closer inspection aint so ordinary.

Some people come to stay in our lives for a while, others just pass through but whatever the case maybe, we must learn to be grateful for the smile, the love, the rebuke, the laughter, the care, the leadership, the sharing, the inspiration, the presence that made or makes a difference.

Sometimes its just as hard to say ‘thank you’ as it is to say ‘I love you’ or ‘I am sorry’.

So if u kno u r a Joseph in my life. Even if you hurt me, or hate me. It works out for my good and I want to thank you.

Thank you to everyone who has ever prayed for me, encouraged me in my music ministry, bought a CD/tape, attended a show, invited me into their home, made me their friend, allowed themselves to be my friend, rebuked me (even when I didnt like it, I can assure u that I listen tho i may not act at the same time).

Thank you Joseph(ina)

On the Pictures Going Around In Malawi’s Cyberspace

Sunga — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 10:54:43 +0000

I was a bit behind on this one. It was last week when I was told of the pictures that have been circulating (mostly through email) about a married man and a married woman who took pictures of their immoral escapades. However they pictures found their way into cyberspace is another story. Glad I haven’t received any and I am not looking forward to the experience. I must admit that it has given me a lot of food for thought and questions worth pondering. So here we go;

Much I do not condone what this man and women were doing, I have had to ask if anyone is justified in forwarding them to others. Supposing I forwarded the pictures for someone else to see, am I not committing sin in the Lord’s eyes just as the people who did them? It reminds me of the woman who was caught in the act of adultery (John 8). Perhaps we are the man in the story who was never “caught”.
Street vendors saw Kwacha signs in the whole thing. So they got DVD’s selling at K1,000 each (US$7.14). According to the papers, they are selling like hot cakes. From my involvement in youth work over the years, I know for a fact that the largest number of consumers of DVD’s, in Lilongwe at least, are teens. What kickbacks should be expect from this on top of the other unhealthy movies they are exposed to?
As of today’s newspaper, it is said that there was another woman (married) who was also involved in these undertakings. I am wondering, how many others are out there who have not been caught? What is happening in Malawi’s family? Do we see these as cries for help? Has the Lord positioned us to be a light and healing to other families that are hurting because of extra marital affairs (which can take different forms) or in other ways?
How should we be safeguarding our emotions as far as the Internet is concerned? Chatrooms,facebook contacts, mailings lists, what you search for on Google, skype…the whole thing? Is my spouse aware of what I do there? Should they be? Will it help?
What is the churches take on all this?

My considerations continue. What are yours?