Are you tired fighting about money in your marriage? I totally understand how you feel. Been there but that's another story. It is a well documented fact that money wars are one of the most predominant factors that lead to separation, divorce and estrangement in many marriages. Do not wait until that happens in your marriage. You
have to do something about it…even if your spouse may not seem to be doing something about it. When you start, it works wonders. Naturally, spouses tend to grow apart in marriage unless they both work at growing closer. Here are a few tips I have laid out that will help you to quit fighting about money in your marriage.
Pray – Your Marriage Depends on It
You will need to start spending more time in prayer about your money issues. God is interested in it much more than you do. Tell him how you feel, what you think, the whole works. No pretence before him is good for you or anybody. Get it off your chest and ask him for wisdom, not money, on how to go about sorting your issue out. He will give you the wisdom. When you get it, implement it.
The Bible – Renewing Your Mindset about Money
Alongside prayer, you need to take time and renew your mindset about money the way God sees it. You will only get that from the Bible. Go to the concordance and study words, and passages that have words like, money, wealth, riches and so on. You will be amazed what you find. Study passages that have to do with marriage roles as well.
It is a well known fact that you are who you think you are. The way you think about money is the way you will treat money. My challenge to you is to think about it the way God does and you will be off to a good start.
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Tackle the Problem
You know your spouse best so I cannot tell you when to do what but you need to bring your spouse into the conversation you are having with God. Tell your spouse what you have been up to and why. You want to quit the fighting over money and you would like both of you to do something about it. You cannot be successful unless you agree. The scriptures say that "two cannot walk together unless they agree" (Amos 3:3) and "two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work" (Ecclesiastes 4:9). Communicate with your spouse that you want to work on your money issues together. Do not be discouraged if they are not on board the first time. Keep on praying…and talking when they situations are ripe.
Agreed Strategy
Assuming you have reached an agreement in point 3. Your next step is to work on an agreed strategy for tackling the issue (not your spouse). It may mean changing your mindset, or working out a budget, deciding on roles, or a new business to help pay off the debt, cutting expenses or attending a seminar to learn about money. You need to agree on a strategy and work on it.
Celebrate the small victories
It is easier not to see any progress especially when you are in huge debt. But do get in the habit of celebrating the small victories you achieve. I recall my wife and I celebrated the day we paid off a $453 debt over six months. This was at a time when our new business needed that money ploughed back into it for growth. However, it was such a good feeling. We are still working on the paying off the other debts, which are bigger than $453 but that does not keep us discouraged. In fact, it helped to encourage us that it is possible to get out of debt and live a debt free life.
A friend of mine once said that there are only two money problems on the planet: too much money and too little money. I have had enough of the second problem. It makes you fight over the silliest of things in marriage. I prefer to have the first problem, you fight over better issues and accomplish more worthwhile things. Like which orphanage to give the money to or which project you should support in church.
Resources
- The complete Practical Guide to Christian Financial Freedom – a course by a Christian who managed to get out of a debt of over $50,000.
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