The other day I was picking up my children from school and saw a very nasty incident. A friend was doing his turn at school runs and was driving away when his daughter fell out of the car. He was driving a twin cab and had put all the children in back without an adult there. It turns out they were playing and his daughter got pushed. She cracked her wrist. Saw her yesterday. She is fine.
About 100 metres down the road I saw another boy being taken home by his dad. He was standing with his torso outside the window (and I'm not kidding here) just taking in the air. His dad did not do anything. I prayed for no bumps or swerving of the car. I think he is fine since we did not hear of any funeral….
I recall back in 2004 I was travelling from Lilongwe with my family and we had an accident. A bad one. I thank God that we had both children in their car seats. Without them we would have been telling a different story.
In Malawi, Traffic Police do not ask you to secure your children in the car and I am not aware of any of any law or by laws to enforce child safety. I have observed that most parents do not enforce safety features despite what they may have seen on digital satellite or seen the few others do. I have also known of child injuries from road accidents that would have been prevented simply by having them wear their belts or investing in car seats.
So what is the best way to raise awareness for child safety on the road?
It is very easy, so easy that I do not have to think about it…not even twice, for me to catch my two kids (in the pic) doing something wrong. In fact, I am certain that they expect me to catch them whenever they are doing something wrong. I am not sure why, perhaps we are conditioned to see the worst in people. Seeing the good is really some hard work I admit but it is possible.
"Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged" (Colossians 3:21). That seems like a million dollar challenge but it is very possible not to embitter our children. They do look up to us for encouragement. A friend once note that nobody thrives on discouragement.
Now for this idea of catching them doing something right. In their book "How To Be A Hero To Your Kids", Josh MacDowell and Dick Day make an observation that if you catch your children doing something right and praise them, they will most likely do it again. I found this to be true of late.
Our kids were dressing up for school and Linga got his school shoes from the wardrobe and in a flash, went back and got his sister's school shoes. I picked up on that and thanked him for doing it. Even more important was the fact that Tami thanked him for it. We reinforced that several times and they do it for each other regularly. Once in a while we have to remind them but
they have gotten into the habit of doing things for each other.
So here is the challenge: can you catch your children doing something right over the next week? Come back and tell us the results.
Have a great weekend hunting!
Aumi, my wife is a woman of immensely high energy levels. She wakes up in the morning and she is on the go until she drops…literally. But that is how she is and I like her that way. I wouldn't change that for a million dollars (if there was a short time frame to the deal I could!)
Last Sunday she drove from Lilongwe to Rumphi and came back yesterday. That is close to 800 kilometers in two days. She did it in record time too. When I came home she was on the couch, exhausted. I decided to let her sleep off her exhaustion. We will talk and pray together in the morning. Fast forward to this morning and here is the crux of the matter.
She was still exhausted. I understood that she was still exhausted. I could have taken her to Antarctica hoping for the drastic temperature change to do its job but I don't think so. My sweet heart was totally exhausted. So I thinking: how is this praying together thing going to work? She was exhausted but came up with an interesting idea: Let's pray together with the kids. So in came Linga and Tami. We did not pray for a long time, 5 or so minutes at the most but we all took turns and that was it. Bringing in the kids kind of added and freshness we don't have when it's just her and me.
Consider the fact that Linga prayed for his cousin next door and thanked God that Mum is back safe. Tami went all the way praying for her teachers at school….
Get creative, once in a while include your kids. It will be refreshing plus, you will also be modeling the practice to them…
It's not a typo. I am highly recommending praying with your spouse on a daily basis. You will be amazed what God will do in your life. This kind of praying opens up your intimacy levels like you have never experienced before. Okay, I will admit that it is awkward, very awkward at first. But the more you do it, the more natural it gets.
What my wife and I have done is to use a book by Dennis and Barbara Rainey entitled "Two Hearts Praying As One". They are at www.familylife.com . We have been at it for the past three days and already I can tell you that it has been rewarding. For me, I can tell you that;
How do we go about it? Well, we read the small chapters, share what we want to pray for and have talked about what we are uncomfortable with when praying together. There were things like posture, length of prayer etc. We have reached some points of agreement and we have just gone ahead and prayed. It's still work in progress but rewarding already.
My challenge is for you to begin as well.
You are really in love and all the sparks are flying as you look forward to the "Big Day" i.e. the wedding day. All the planning meetings, the guest lists, the limo you want to ride in, the honeymoon arrangements, venues issues and relationship issues. Your mother still thinks you are too young for the transformation and your father is lamenting about how they used to do it in their time. Ah well, the stuff weddings are made off.
Okay, what's happening here? You have two things going: the event of the wedding day and the institution of marriage lining up for the take off. I look at the wedding as a symbolic ceremony of the beginning of the institution of marriage. From what I have seen and experienced, the husband and wife to be are usually taken up with the bric-a-bracs of the wedding day and mostly lose sight of preparation for the long term institution of marriage. This where all the shocks of adjustment come in after the wedding. You know, she notices that he just won't check if the house is securely locked at night (a thing her darling dad did every night). He wonders why she thinks it's such a biggie…
So before you say I do, much as you need to tie up the loose ends regarding the wedding day, keep your focus on what is required for the marriage. That way, your adjustment period will not be as bumpy.
No, not the movie with DeNiro in it but the idea is similar. I am talking about the other thing you must do before you say "I do". In fact, I will go further and say meet the siblings; sisters, cousins, uncles, aunties…the whole lot…as much as you can. Don't pull your hair out if you cannot meet all of them. At least get to meet the parents and siblings or at least some of them. So exactly what are you looking for?
Well, there is soooo much you can learn about your husband or wife to be by just meeting his or her family…several times, before you say I do. You get to know the "support system" of your spouse. You will have an inkling of what to expect in some areas of your relationship. Although everyone has their best foot forward (if that will be your case!), you will be able to catch a few unguarded moments where a bubble (unplanned habit or comment is out) and bingo! You will have some much needed insight into your spouses' character. That's more ammunition to help you improve your relationship.
Remember that he/she has grown up with these people. They have been at the core of forming who he/she is today. I recall the afternoon when I first met my parents-in-law. You could hear a pin drop in the room, at least for the first few minutes. By the end of that two or so hours, I leant that my father-in-law likes the news channels, you know BBC, CNN, Sky News plus sports, football (soccer) to be exact. My mother-in-law on the other hand, likes BBC Food and anything to do with athletics. Translation: I like the news channels, sports and educational documentaries like Discovery, Animal Planet etc while my wife likes BBC Food, athletics….catch my drift? That visit and the subsequent ones gave me a good pointer of what to expect regarding the "remote control wars". Meet the parents, okay?
Another area has to do with the type of family your spouse comes from. My wife has five other siblings. Two sisters and three brothers. I have two sisters. That's it. You get to learn quickly, before and after the wedding, that you have to adjust your relationship in light of the number of siblings you grew up with. Your expectations regarding them will definitely affect your relationship. Meet the parents…and siblings. Okay, even after you say I do. It's the biggest favour you can do for yourself before you say I do.
In the course of this week Linga has been reciting the Lord's prayer as he is being taught at school. It is very interesting. The first time he recited it I picked up two mistakes (me and my editor's head!) but I had to hold myself and let him finish his recital. I had to hold my all because of my last blog entry: catch him doing something right. Now allow the editor to kick in:
What he did right
He recited the prayer in record time without hesitation. He was glad he did and also that his mother and I were very impressed. Just for effect, he did it again.
What he did wrong
And I quote: "Our Father, Harold be your name….and forgive us our deaths as we forgive our death-ters…."
We are working on those two but I find that he is more motivated to work on his mistakes because of how we corrected him. This is something you will have to agree with your spouse about.
Enjoy your parenting!
So we got going watching movies any way we liked…well, not really. Those were the days when democracy was a one party state affair. I was privileged enough to have a dad who was trotting the globe back then. Many times he would come back home with new movies in the form of video tapes…sort of. The Malawi Censorship Board was working hard to monitor what was coming in the country. There was procedure.
After declaring whatever needed to be, you were thoroughly searched. Any music or videos or books were screened. This meant that you left them there and picked them up from the Board offices when they called you. If there were parts of the tape they considered unfit for the consumption of the Malawian, they erased it…yes they did. There was a time dad brought back some movies and they had more cuts than movie…that was the joke around the house.
Needless to say enterprising individuals found ways of getting the "banned" stuff around the Censorship Board and you still ended up with contraband movies or with no cuts. As we were cruising towards the late 80's, it was apparent that the Censorship Board was losing its grip on what came in the country. Video houses came up by the dozen per month and I assure you what we watched there definitely did not go through the Board!
What does all this have to do with the family? We saw a shift in a lot of things. In my home, some movies were not for us kids. We got "creative" on how to watch them. We also found out that the video houses were a great place to hang out and watch the "forbidden". Language changed. Now we wanted to talk like Sylvester Stallone or Michael Jackson. We wanted to dress up like Vanilla Ice or MC Hammer or sing like Whitney or Bobby… That was the cool thing to do. What changed in your family?
Ratings. Have you ever thought about them seriously and what they mean to you? You get a movie that is PG 13 VL or 18 VSNL with a synopsis in a movie or TV magazine. What am I to do with that information? Come with me and let's ask a few questions
Last time I did mention the losing battle that the Malawi Censorship Board was fighting. In my opinion, that battle is lost big time. Digital satellite television simple blew the odds against the Board. Add to the mix 16 in one DVD's (16 movies in 1) for MK350 (US$3), reality shows all over and all, you can see where we have come from.
More questions since the Censorship Board lost:
Later
