Shopping With Your Wife: For Men Only

Almost 99% of the time I can tell a couple is shopping together. She has the list which she is not minding that much and he is pushing the trolley, lost in his thoughts or downright bored and pushy. Well, you have the tip of the iceberg of the issue at hand. The best way I can explain it is this picture my wife sent to me last week. I wonder why…

The shop could be Shoprite, People's, Tutla's, 711, Game, Woolworths or Marks and Spencer. The point is I am the blue line and she is the red. What is happening here? One of the major differences between men and women.

 

For me, and most men folk, shopping is a mission: I get a briefing, know what I want, go in, get it, pay and get out…and then get a debriefing. Hopefully you get to hear that your mission was accomplished. For her, it is an experience. She wants to see it, touch it, feel it, talk about it. Never mind the shopping list, she tells me she has been thinking about it for the past few weeks and it's just that we had not talked about it. She may not even buy it.

 

Anyway, here are some of the way to get a handle on this scenario;

1. Get her to go shopping with her best friend.

That way they can talk about this and that as the design their red line maze. I hope you won't drive them there because waiting can be a challenge even if you bring reading material. The other day my wife and my mother (a deadly combination in itself in shopping terms) "shopped" until the shop closed and I was waiting in the car. Then they realized that it was awfully quiet in the shop presto! They were the only clients in there…and I was waiting in the car. The trolley was not even half full…but that's another story.

2.      Go with her.

Show her you care about things she cares for .Her personality code is in the red line somewhere. You will most likely be pushing the trolley…behind her as she dutifully draws the red line maze. And it is generally hard to have meaningful conversation. That can be a great time for those of us who like to observe and think things more. It can be a great time to have fun with the kids (especially toddlers). Or try, against all odds, to talk with her. What you are doing by going with her is like asking her to watch a match with you although she has difficulty understanding your fanaticism over it. It makes a statement that pays off in more ways than you can dare to count.

3.      Work out a shopping list and a shopping map.

Then execute it together or split. Go to shop A together, then leave her in C as you go to B etc.

4.     Sometimes, the mission must be accomplished

Help her understand that there are times you to do the shopping as a mission and not as an experience. This is usually in the interest of time or the urgency of the commodity sought.

5.      Get Creative

Have an outing and do window shopping for the things you need to buy that month or week. Do a bargain hunt but don't buy anything. It can be a great outing.

 

It does help to remember that over time, you have to work out a shared framework regarding your shopping habits otherwise you end up having arguments over it.

How have you handled your differences in shopping?

• Anonymous

17 April, 2008, 7:32

Very insightful Su I must say!!! I love the diagram and as a lady I must confess I am probably in the red a lot of times, but sometimes I am in the blue zone, especially when I'm with my husband who tends to be more red in his shopping habits…..!!! Sometimes its all I can do not to pull my hair out in frustration as we meander through the aisles of one store after another and then wind our way back to shop number 2 where he "would really like to try on that shirt again!!!" And I would like to place a premium endorsement on your tips which I have used on days when I haven't staged a sit in ("why don't you go with the boys and I'll stay home and fix dinner?!!"), or offered over- enthusiastically to go by myself "so you can spend some quality time with the boys!!!).

 

Shopping With Your Wife: For Men Only

Almost 99% of the time I can tell a couple is shopping together. She has the list which she is not minding that much and he is pushing the trolley, lost in his thoughts or downright bored and pushy. Well, you have the tip of the iceberg of the issue at hand. The best way I can explain it is this picture my wife sent to me last week. I wonder why…

The shop could be Shoprite, People's, Tutla's, 711, Game, Woolworths or Marks and Spencer. The point is I am the blue line and she is the red. What is happening here? One of the major differences between men and women.

 

For me, and most men folk, shopping is a mission: I get a briefing, know what I want, go in, get it, pay and get out…and then get a debriefing. Hopefully you get to hear that your mission was accomplished. For her, it is an experience. She wants to see it, touch it, feel it, talk about it. Never mind the shopping list, she tells me she has been thinking about it for the past few weeks and it's just that we had not talked about it. She may not even buy it.

 

Anyway, here are some of the way to get a handle on this scenario;

1. Get her to go shopping with her best friend.

That way they can talk about this and that as the design their red line maze. I hope you won't drive them there because waiting can be a challenge even if you bring reading material. The other day my wife and my mother (a deadly combination in itself in shopping terms) "shopped" until the shop closed and I was waiting in the car. Then they realized that it was awfully quiet in the shop presto! They were the only clients in there…and I was waiting in the car. The trolley was not even half full…but that's another story.

2.      Go with her.

Show her you care about things she cares for .Her personality code is in the red line somewhere. You will most likely be pushing the trolley…behind her as she dutifully draws the red line maze. And it is generally hard to have meaningful conversation. That can be a great time for those of us who like to observe and think things more. It can be a great time to have fun with the kids (especially toddlers). Or try, against all odds, to talk with her. What you are doing by going with her is like asking her to watch a match with you although she has difficulty understanding your fanaticism over it. It makes a statement that pays off in more ways than you can dare to count.

3.      Work out a shopping list and a shopping map.

Then execute it together or split. Go to shop A together, then leave her in C as you go to B etc.

4.     Sometimes, the mission must be accomplished

Help her understand that there are times you to do the shopping as a mission and not as an experience. This is usually in the interest of time or the urgency of the commodity sought.

5.      Get Creative

Have an outing and do window shopping for the things you need to buy that month or week. Do a bargain hunt but don't buy anything. It can be a great outing.

 

It does help to remember that over time, you have to work out a shared framework regarding your shopping habits otherwise you end up having arguments over it.

How have you handled your differences in shopping?

• Anonymous

17 April, 2008, 7:32

Very insightful Su I must say!!! I love the diagram and as a lady I must confess I am probably in the red a lot of times, but sometimes I am in the blue zone, especially when I'm with my husband who tends to be more red in his shopping habits…..!!! Sometimes its all I can do not to pull my hair out in frustration as we meander through the aisles of one store after another and then wind our way back to shop number 2 where he "would really like to try on that shirt again!!!" And I would like to place a premium endorsement on your tips which I have used on days when I haven't staged a sit in ("why don't you go with the boys and I'll stay home and fix dinner?!!"), or offered over- enthusiastically to go by myself "so you can spend some quality time with the boys!!!).

 

Shopping With Your Wife: For Men Only

Almost 99% of the time I can tell a couple is shopping together. She has the list which she is not minding that much and he is pushing the trolley, lost in his thoughts or downright bored and pushy. Well, you have the tip of the iceberg of the issue at hand. The best way I can explain it is this picture my wife sent to me last week. I wonder why…

The shop could be Shoprite, People's, Tutla's, 711, Game, Woolworths or Marks and Spencer. The point is I am the blue line and she is the red. What is happening here? One of the major differences between men and women.

 

For me, and most men folk, shopping is a mission: I get a briefing, know what I want, go in, get it, pay and get out…and then get a debriefing. Hopefully you get to hear that your mission was accomplished. For her, it is an experience. She wants to see it, touch it, feel it, talk about it. Never mind the shopping list, she tells me she has been thinking about it for the past few weeks and it's just that we had not talked about it. She may not even buy it.

 

Anyway, here are some of the way to get a handle on this scenario;

1. Get her to go shopping with her best friend.

That way they can talk about this and that as the design their red line maze. I hope you won't drive them there because waiting can be a challenge even if you bring reading material. The other day my wife and my mother (a deadly combination in itself in shopping terms) "shopped" until the shop closed and I was waiting in the car. Then they realized that it was awfully quiet in the shop presto! They were the only clients in there…and I was waiting in the car. The trolley was not even half full…but that's another story.

2.      Go with her.

Show her you care about things she cares for .Her personality code is in the red line somewhere. You will most likely be pushing the trolley…behind her as she dutifully draws the red line maze. And it is generally hard to have meaningful conversation. That can be a great time for those of us who like to observe and think things more. It can be a great time to have fun with the kids (especially toddlers). Or try, against all odds, to talk with her. What you are doing by going with her is like asking her to watch a match with you although she has difficulty understanding your fanaticism over it. It makes a statement that pays off in more ways than you can dare to count.

3.      Work out a shopping list and a shopping map.

Then execute it together or split. Go to shop A together, then leave her in C as you go to B etc.

4.     Sometimes, the mission must be accomplished

Help her understand that there are times you to do the shopping as a mission and not as an experience. This is usually in the interest of time or the urgency of the commodity sought.

5.      Get Creative

Have an outing and do window shopping for the things you need to buy that month or week. Do a bargain hunt but don't buy anything. It can be a great outing.

 

It does help to remember that over time, you have to work out a shared framework regarding your shopping habits otherwise you end up having arguments over it.

How have you handled your differences in shopping?

• Anonymous

17 April, 2008, 7:32

Very insightful Su I must say!!! I love the diagram and as a lady I must confess I am probably in the red a lot of times, but sometimes I am in the blue zone, especially when I'm with my husband who tends to be more red in his shopping habits…..!!! Sometimes its all I can do not to pull my hair out in frustration as we meander through the aisles of one store after another and then wind our way back to shop number 2 where he "would really like to try on that shirt again!!!" And I would like to place a premium endorsement on your tips which I have used on days when I haven't staged a sit in ("why don't you go with the boys and I'll stay home and fix dinner?!!"), or offered over- enthusiastically to go by myself "so you can spend some quality time with the boys!!!).

 

Shopping With Your Wife: For Men Only

Almost 99% of the time I can tell a couple is shopping together. She has the list which she is not minding that much and he is pushing the trolley, lost in his thoughts or downright bored and pushy. Well, you have the tip of the iceberg of the issue at hand. The best way I can explain it is this picture my wife sent to me last week. I wonder why…

The shop could be Shoprite, People's, Tutla's, 711, Game, Woolworths or Marks and Spencer. The point is I am the blue line and she is the red. What is happening here? One of the major differences between men and women.

 

For me, and most men folk, shopping is a mission: I get a briefing, know what I want, go in, get it, pay and get out…and then get a debriefing. Hopefully you get to hear that your mission was accomplished. For her, it is an experience. She wants to see it, touch it, feel it, talk about it. Never mind the shopping list, she tells me she has been thinking about it for the past few weeks and it's just that we had not talked about it. She may not even buy it.

 

Anyway, here are some of the way to get a handle on this scenario;

1. Get her to go shopping with her best friend.

That way they can talk about this and that as the design their red line maze. I hope you won't drive them there because waiting can be a challenge even if you bring reading material. The other day my wife and my mother (a deadly combination in itself in shopping terms) "shopped" until the shop closed and I was waiting in the car. Then they realized that it was awfully quiet in the shop presto! They were the only clients in there…and I was waiting in the car. The trolley was not even half full…but that's another story.

2.      Go with her.

Show her you care about things she cares for .Her personality code is in the red line somewhere. You will most likely be pushing the trolley…behind her as she dutifully draws the red line maze. And it is generally hard to have meaningful conversation. That can be a great time for those of us who like to observe and think things more. It can be a great time to have fun with the kids (especially toddlers). Or try, against all odds, to talk with her. What you are doing by going with her is like asking her to watch a match with you although she has difficulty understanding your fanaticism over it. It makes a statement that pays off in more ways than you can dare to count.

3.      Work out a shopping list and a shopping map.

Then execute it together or split. Go to shop A together, then leave her in C as you go to B etc.

4.     Sometimes, the mission must be accomplished

Help her understand that there are times you to do the shopping as a mission and not as an experience. This is usually in the interest of time or the urgency of the commodity sought.

5.      Get Creative

Have an outing and do window shopping for the things you need to buy that month or week. Do a bargain hunt but don't buy anything. It can be a great outing.

 

It does help to remember that over time, you have to work out a shared framework regarding your shopping habits otherwise you end up having arguments over it.

How have you handled your differences in shopping?

• Anonymous

17 April, 2008, 7:32

Very insightful Su I must say!!! I love the diagram and as a lady I must confess I am probably in the red a lot of times, but sometimes I am in the blue zone, especially when I'm with my husband who tends to be more red in his shopping habits…..!!! Sometimes its all I can do not to pull my hair out in frustration as we meander through the aisles of one store after another and then wind our way back to shop number 2 where he "would really like to try on that shirt again!!!" And I would like to place a premium endorsement on your tips which I have used on days when I haven't staged a sit in ("why don't you go with the boys and I'll stay home and fix dinner?!!"), or offered over- enthusiastically to go by myself "so you can spend some quality time with the boys!!!).

 

Temper Those Tantrums: One Mum's Strategy

Children seem to be programmed for tantrums. We have seen them all. They whine, kick, scream like the world is ending, making sure to embarrass mum or dad (or both) and they will do this in the most inconvenient of places because they seem to also have a built in capability for swaying public opinion (or is it pity?). This is what I saw the other day at Shoprite. It was one of those times when I had to get a quick snack and be on my way somewhere. I had just been cleared at the till, walked out to the parking lot and that's when I saw it: a war in progress. Here was a mother with the shopping in both her hands, walking like she came alone. Behind her, Junior was crying for something like Kamba Puff (a biggie for toddlers in Malawi). He was standing at the entrance of the shop while doing this and his mother just kept going like he does not exist. I had to get the whole act so I got in my car and waited, watching the developments.

Junior then goes on his knees, and then on lie down flat on the floor! Still screaming and pounding his fists on the floor for that much needed snack mum just didn't buy in the shop. In the meantime, mum has packed the groceries in the car and is just standing by the drivers door just watching him do thing. Finally, a security guard goes to the boy and says something to him, to which he gets up and dashes to the car, Tom chasing Jerry kind of speed, and still screaming. Here is where it gets interesting.

Mum stops Junior in his tracks, gets down so they are seeing eyeball to eyeball and says something to the effect that if he wants to come with her, he should stop crying and, for the record, she was still not buying that snack so the crying won't help anyway. Junior calms down (in record time) and gets in the vehicle.

That is the one woman's strategy for tempering her kid's tantrum. I say she either had read Dr James Dobson's book "Tempering Your Child's Tantrums" or she had been watching BBC Prime's Super Nanny.

While most have a tendency to pamper tantrums, I don't and I give that mum at Shoprite full marks for standing her ground. Which side are you on and what would you have done with Junior.

 

 

Tuned Into Abundance

"Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into." Dr Wayne Dyer

I once read a book that stated a very obvious fact of life: abundance is built into nature. If you look at a mango tree for instance, abundance is built in there. You do not think of that entire tree producing just one mango but lots. A single maize seed will multiply itself into three of four cobs. In the animal kingdom, the trend is similar.

The problem, according to the author, is that man tries to regulate everything. So in that mango tree scenario, he would come up with rules on how to get to the mango tree, how and when to get up there. How many mangoes you should bring down and which ones you should bring down!

Application: is abundance in your life? Are you tuned in to it? Or you have the blah's at the moment? Take your time and read John 15:1-15. Jesus talks about how we should be abundantly bearing fruit. And the mindset required is not hard; Think of him as the tree trunk and you are the branch. Draw the resources you need from him…in other words, get tuned in.

Tuned Into Abundance

"Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into." Dr Wayne Dyer

I once read a book that stated a very obvious fact of life: abundance is built into nature. If you look at a mango tree for instance, abundance is built in there. You do not think of that entire tree producing just one mango but lots. A single maize seed will multiply itself into three of four cobs. In the animal kingdom, the trend is similar.

The problem, according to the author, is that man tries to regulate everything. So in that mango tree scenario, he would come up with rules on how to get to the mango tree, how and when to get up there. How many mangoes you should bring down and which ones you should bring down!

Application: is abundance in your life? Are you tuned in to it? Or you have the blah's at the moment? Take your time and read John 15:1-15. Jesus talks about how we should be abundantly bearing fruit. And the mindset required is not hard; Think of him as the tree trunk and you are the branch. Draw the resources you need from him…in other words, get tuned in.

Tuned Into Abundance

"Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into." Dr Wayne Dyer

I once read a book that stated a very obvious fact of life: abundance is built into nature. If you look at a mango tree for instance, abundance is built in there. You do not think of that entire tree producing just one mango but lots. A single maize seed will multiply itself into three of four cobs. In the animal kingdom, the trend is similar.

The problem, according to the author, is that man tries to regulate everything. So in that mango tree scenario, he would come up with rules on how to get to the mango tree, how and when to get up there. How many mangoes you should bring down and which ones you should bring down!

Application: is abundance in your life? Are you tuned in to it? Or you have the blah's at the moment? Take your time and read John 15:1-15. Jesus talks about how we should be abundantly bearing fruit. And the mindset required is not hard; Think of him as the tree trunk and you are the branch. Draw the resources you need from him…in other words, get tuned in.

Tuned Into Abundance

"Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into." Dr Wayne Dyer

I once read a book that stated a very obvious fact of life: abundance is built into nature. If you look at a mango tree for instance, abundance is built in there. You do not think of that entire tree producing just one mango but lots. A single maize seed will multiply itself into three of four cobs. In the animal kingdom, the trend is similar.

The problem, according to the author, is that man tries to regulate everything. So in that mango tree scenario, he would come up with rules on how to get to the mango tree, how and when to get up there. How many mangoes you should bring down and which ones you should bring down!

Application: is abundance in your life? Are you tuned in to it? Or you have the blah's at the moment? Take your time and read John 15:1-15. Jesus talks about how we should be abundantly bearing fruit. And the mindset required is not hard; Think of him as the tree trunk and you are the branch. Draw the resources you need from him…in other words, get tuned in.

Obama Inaugurated In My Living Room

It really happened: here in Lilongwe, Malawi, Barak Obama was inaugurated in my living room. Seriously. Saw the whole thing...on TV. I couldn't help thinking that this was the making of history. Lots of people said that.

Now that Rick Warren Guy and Lowrey, they really did something! It was turning out to be a very symbolic event with lots of things anyone could read into. But for me, the time to test the pudding of Obama's administration has come. Everyone is watching...not least of all, Africa, (or should I say Kenya?). There is a lot we expect from this son of an African immigrant who has taken, in his own words, "a sacred oath".

Truth be told, he has made it crystal clear that he is an American of African descent: Afro-American. He is America's head of state. I think we do well to remember that as Africans.

All the best President Obama.

Obama Inaugurated In My Living Room

It really happened: here in Lilongwe, Malawi, Barak Obama was inaugurated in my living room. Seriously. Saw the whole thing...on TV. I couldn't help thinking that this was the making of history. Lots of people said that.

Now that Rick Warren Guy and Lowrey, they really did something! It was turning out to be a very symbolic event with lots of things anyone could read into. But for me, the time to test the pudding of Obama's administration has come. Everyone is watching...not least of all, Africa, (or should I say Kenya?). There is a lot we expect from this son of an African immigrant who has taken, in his own words, "a sacred oath".

Truth be told, he has made it crystal clear that he is an American of African descent: Afro-American. He is America's head of state. I think we do well to remember that as Africans.

All the best President Obama.

Obama Inaugurated In My Living Room

It really happened: here in Lilongwe, Malawi, Barak Obama was inaugurated in my living room. Seriously. Saw the whole thing...on TV. I couldn't help thinking that this was the making of history. Lots of people said that.

Now that Rick Warren Guy and Lowrey, they really did something! It was turning out to be a very symbolic event with lots of things anyone could read into. But for me, the time to test the pudding of Obama's administration has come. Everyone is watching...not least of all, Africa, (or should I say Kenya?). There is a lot we expect from this son of an African immigrant who has taken, in his own words, "a sacred oath".

Truth be told, he has made it crystal clear that he is an American of African descent: Afro-American. He is America's head of state. I think we do well to remember that as Africans.

All the best President Obama.

Obama Inaugurated In My Living Room

It really happened: here in Lilongwe, Malawi, Barak Obama was inaugurated in my living room. Seriously. Saw the whole thing...on TV. I couldn't help thinking that this was the making of history. Lots of people said that.

Now that Rick Warren Guy and Lowrey, they really did something! It was turning out to be a very symbolic event with lots of things anyone could read into. But for me, the time to test the pudding of Obama's administration has come. Everyone is watching...not least of all, Africa, (or should I say Kenya?). There is a lot we expect from this son of an African immigrant who has taken, in his own words, "a sacred oath".

Truth be told, he has made it crystal clear that he is an American of African descent: Afro-American. He is America's head of state. I think we do well to remember that as Africans.

All the best President Obama.